I (Tim) have been writing poems for a year or so now which I have found helpful as I try to process things that I've seen or been part of. The following poem has been a 'work in progress' for a month or more now and was birthed out of a situation we found ourselves in whilst in Madagascar.
It has taken me a while to have the 'courage' to post this on the blog as I know that it could be received in many different ways by many different people, however it was during the church service yesterday that I felt that I couldn't hold this back.
The 'worship band' played a song which I'd heard about before but I'd never been in a 'service' when it had been played, so as I scanned through the words (not wanting to sing anything that I didn't truly believe) I was taken aback by the chorus which went something like 'I'll go anywhere Lord, I'll do anything Lord', I just couldn't sing that.
Throughout my life I've worked in the townships around Cape Town in South Africa, stayed with families in the rural Xhosa homelands in the Eastern Cape, visited HIV centers in Uganda, spent time sharing with inmates in a prison in Toamasina in Madagascar, as well as living in a remote village with the threat of malaria carrying mosquitoes, I've even taken time to work with challenging children and the handicapped here in England.
All of which has driven me to tears and compelled me to 'think of others before myself' to 'see everyone as my brother or sister' however it is only by the grace of God that I have been able to do that as my 'inner man' is screaming 'I just want to get back to normality!', the normality of my family, the daily routine, the life I used to live.
I don't really want to go to those most challenging places in the world, well at least not live there with the problems so therefore I couldn't bring myself to sing those words. I could have sung, 'I'd like to think I could go anywhere Lord' but to sing with my eyes shut hold my hands in the air with conviction seemed so hypocritical.
The following poem isn't meant to point any fingers, the finger pointing is at myself and my heart so here goes.
Thoughts of a street child
I'm that child, the one with no name,
Remember on Saturday when I came,
With the others like me to share a meal,
I like those days they make me feel real.
You told me a story about a man from above,
A God man who died to show me his love,
He lived long ago, spent time with the poor,
Showed them compassion and opened his door.
You told me he loves you and that's why you love me,
And if I love him then surely I'll see,
That the way we behave will change for the best,
By sharing our all so others feel blessed.
You sing about him with your eyes closed tight,
Ready to do battle to take up the fight,
To reach those outside and bring them in,
Into a Kingdom where there is no more sin.
But today you don't see me or give me food,
You seem rather angry and treat me so rude,
Did I do something wrong what's different today,
Turing your back your eyes look away.
Why is Monday so different and Wednesday too,
Your making me feel bad what did I do?,
Its like I'm invisible you don't even see,
I thought you told me that you'd been set free.
I'm really confused now that I'm not even seen,
Was the man with the food all just a dream,
You seem too busy as you get in your car,
Driving away like a Hollywood star.
You said you followed that man from on high,
'He's changed my heart' I heard you oft cry,
'If you change yours too then all will be fine',
And then something about 'him being divine'.
But maybe this God doesn't love me, I'm far too poor,
I watch how you treat me and I don't know the score,
You act one way when it suits your needs,
But my life never changes no matter how good your small deeds.
My stomach is empty most of the time,
And the food you provide makes me feel fine,
But by Thursday the pains they cripple and hurt,
And most of the time I live in the dirt.
So I'm thinking of stop coming to the Saturday lunch,
When I see others like you, your kind of bunch,
And I'll stop on the streets with the other like me,
Dreaming of the God man who died on a tree.
